Category Archives: Cinema

Cheesecake Assemble!

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Welcome, Wilkommen & Bienvenue

It is entirely possible that you are a new follower of mine on one of the various social media networks that I inhabit. If that’s true then it is also possible that you’re only familiar with The Eloquent Page and not the roaming free form consciousness that is my Mid Life Crisis. Let me quickly explain. This is my personal blog for all stuff that isn’t about books. Here I waffle about anything that takes my fancy. Things often get random and frequently degenerate into mindless rants. There are no rules, regular spelling mistakes are guaranteed (or you’re money back) and you can also expect the grossest of crimes against the evil gods of punctuation.

Still there?

Oh good. Lets see what has taken my fancy this week.

It’s (NOT) The End of The World as We Know It

Typical isn’t it. You get yourself all psyched up for the big one and then some archaeological snot comes along at says ‘Nope, we were wrong all this time. The Mayan calendar will actually run for another 7000 years and the world isn’t going to end this December 21st after all’. How disappointing is that? I’ve been stockpiling Pot Noodles and Ruffle Bars for months (I lied about the Ruffle Bars. Do they even make these anymore? I may start to stockpile them just for the hell of it. I bet they aren’t as good as when I was a kid * starts to mutter about all this once being fields, jumpers for goalposts etc, etc*).

ney back) and you can also expect the grossest of crimes against the evil gods of punctuation.

Ruffle Bars. Fuck Yeah!

Back to my point (I’m sure I had one). Ahh yes, overall I am what you would call a trifle disappointed. I was looking forward to something involving mutants and perhaps a nice Mad Max 2 style motif.

Oh well only just over seven thousand years to wait. I’ll see you there?

My First Multiple Joygasm

Yesterday Mrs C and I finally managed to catch a screening of The Avengers. For various reasons we have had to wait for two weeks since it came out. What can I say? Essentially I sat for the entire length of the film with a big dumb goofy grin on my face. It was wonderful. So much so that I had another one of my epiphanies that goes something like this.

I’m working on the assumption that most, if not all of you, have at one time or another had an orgasm (fucking great aren’t they? can’t recommend them enough. If you haven’t had one you really should get around to getting yourself one. They are awfully good. I digress.) In a similar vein there is what I like to call ‘the joygasm’. Now the joygasm is basically that brilliant moment when you are indulging in some activity you love (this can be anything as long as it is not sex) and you experience a moment of sheer unadulterated joy. For me it happens most often to me when I watch films. Here’s a quick list of examples that always ensure I achieve a joygasm

•    The moment Jonh Williams score for Superman begins

•    Lewis Collins running down the hallway at the end of Who Dares Wins

•    The faux happy ending and then the real ending of Brazil (I should note joygasms don’t always have to come from an upbeat cinematic moment).

•    The line “You killed my father. Prepare to die” from The Princess Bride

•    Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live.

So in a nutshell what I am saying is that each and everyone one of these things always makes me spectacularly happy. I won’t bore you with the reasons why just believe me when I say that they do.

Avengers was chock full of these perfect little moments. *BEWARE MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD*

•    The Helicarrier

•    Hulk and Thor duking it out

•    Agent Coulson saying goodbye

•    The final battle

•    The after credits scene

•    Loki and The Hulk play rag doll


Avengers Casual Friday

I could so easily go on and on but I’ll attempt to manfully rein my enthusiasm in. Suffice to say, this is, with out a doubt, the biggest spectacle of the year so far. I am in awe. More, I demand it now, immediately if not sooner. Hence the title of this little section of the post My First Multiple Joygasm. I beat you thought this bit was going to be all filthy didn’t you? You perv.

That, There Training Malarkey

I had my first proper blip in my attempt to run 500k in 2012. Last week I over did it when weight training and managed to pull the muscles in my left arm. I ended up having to walk 5k and the gym for the next session as I couldn’t run. I was really annoyed at myself for such a simple mistake. I should have worked up to lifting heavier weights but instead I just over did it and paid the consequences. Lesson learned the hard way. I am glad to say that my arm is just about back to normal. Now if I can just get rid of this spectacular cold I have I should be ready to begin again, sensibly, on Tuesday. Here’s hoping.

Right enough of the random spouting. I’m off to save the world from itself. Until next time be excellent to each other and party on dudes! (Oh yeah, I’m kickin it old school).

Mr C

The Passion of Pablo Cheesecake

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A super-duper, extra long, bonus edition of the regular blog because, well frankly, the last couple of days has been a bit fucking EPIC.

This weekend Mrs Cheesecake and I went to the cinema like we usually do (hell if you’ve ever read this blog before you’ll already know that). The only slight wrinkle was the third (yes you read that correct, I said ‘third’) film that we saw. More on that in a bit but first a little about films one and two.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists

This was brilliant fun. Aardman have proved yet again that their approach to animation is a genuine crowd pleaser. Hugh Grant is on fine form as The Pirate Captain. He was pitch-perfect (there’s a sentence I never suspected I’d write about him). Turns out a plasticine pirate is the perfect role for Mr Grant. Martin Freeman, Brian Blessed, Imelda Staunton, Lenny Henry, Russell Tovey, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven,  David Tennant and Mr. Bobo all deserve a mention as well for their sterling efforts. If you have ever dreamed about having your own monkey butler (I know I have…actually thinking about it he would probably go all Planet of the Apes on my ass though so perhaps not) this is the film for you.

Yaarr….Avast behind and other dubious puns

Wrath of The Titans

The second film on Saturday afternoon was the sequel to the remake of the film that was somewhat based on the original stories of ancient Greece, Wrath of the Titans. We dutifully purchased our tickets and discovered the following.

Yes, I’m childish enough to find this funny

The film was ok I suppose. The complaints I levelled against Sam Worthington’s hair in the first film have certainly been addressed. The 3D was better than before and the ‘big fuck-off battle’ finale was pretty entertaining. I just wasn’t that interested in the build up that I had to sit through to get there.

Overall I think I probably would have preferred to have seen a film called Wrath of the Tit. Wait a second didn’t Woody Allen do that one time? Lets ask him….hey Woody…Woody!…WOODY!!!….Damn, he seems to be busy.

Wrath of the Tit – Part II*

*It really is amazing what you can find on the Internet isn’t it? Woody vs a Giant Boob…crazy times eh.

The Gospel of Us

The final film of the weekend required a bit more than our usual level of commitment. How about a 400 mile round trip for example.

Yesterday afternoon we found ourselves in Port Talbot, South Wales to attend the premiere of The Gospel of Us starring Michael Sheen and the people of the town. In a nutshell this was a reinterpretation of The Passion Play but with a modern, secular feel. The play itself took place over the three days of Easter 2011 but the director, Dave McKean has spent the last year bringing together footage to create a two hour version of the spectacle.

To be serious for a moment. If you’ve ever seen McKean’s other directorial experiment, MirrorMask, then you will appreciate the director’s iconoclastic approach to any subject he tackles. The Gospel of Us blends music, animation and footage taken on the day to create something that is an assault on the senses. This cinematic event is truly striking and a genuine spectacle to behold. If you get the chance to see this I would strongly advise you take the opportunity. There was a moment near the films climax where I felt all the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. McKean uses some clever editing techniques to bring crowd scenes to life and draw the focus toward the players as the tale unfolds. Astonishing stuff.

Prior to the screening Mrs Cheesecake was in attendance in the press pit and got to meet Mr McKean, who got a free chocolate for his time (Oh yeah, we’re willing to bribe a director. We’ll so go there). Mrs Cheesecake also got some great shots of Michael Sheen, Owen Sheers and Rachel McAdams.

For more details about the event, including photos, check out http://www.michael-sheen.co.uk. (It’s all good I know the owner of the site, I slept with her last night).

Told you it was a big old update didn’t it?

I need to go have a bit of a lie down, I’m spent.

Laters

Pablo Cheesecake Goes Haywire and then Grey

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Its time for another one of those posts that devotes itself to one of my favourite things – the silver screen. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been to the cinema a couple of times.

First up was the latest Steven Soderbergh film, Haywire.

Don’t let the pink gloves fool you. She would kick your ass

I took great delight in watching retired MMA fighter Gina Carano hold her own against some big Hollywood names.  She plays Mallory Kane an operative for a private security firm who is burned by her boss and seeks revenge against everyone who set her up. Carano comes across really well in the film. Tough as nails, resourceful and a match for any obstacle in her path. I think I would happily watch a sequel to this.

Soderbergh has a knack when it comes to large ensemble casts and having the likes of Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender, Michael Douglas and Ewan McGregor on board probably helps. The twin highlights of Fassbender getting his ass kicked and a rooftop chase across the streets of Dublin were well worth the price of admission.

Next The Grey (or as Mrs Cheesecake has re-christened it Rambo with Wolves). I have to admit I wasn’t sure what to expect. So far I’ve only seen two Joe Carnahan directed films. I enjoyed Smokin Aces quite a bit, The A-Team was passable but not brilliant.  The Grey, however, is just excellent, I cant recommend it highly enough. Liam Neeson is a bit fucking epic in this. I wouldn’t dream of giving anything away but I can guarantee some serious excitement and also a rather captivating story. I was on the edge of my seat, man vs nature proves to be fertile ground when it comes to the action genre.

I heard the other day that originally Bradley Cooper was supposed to star in this one. I’m so glad Neeson did instead. The final minutes of this film are just breathtaking. Neeson brings a craggy gravitas to his role that will bring a tear to your eye.

Who let Liam near the mini bar?

Anyway I think that’s enough for now.

Till next our paths cross
Cheerio
Mr P Cheesecake Esq

Pablo Cheesecake and The Game of Shadows

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Though we finished work last Friday today was our first proper official day off for Christmas. What did we do then?

First off a trip to the cinema in a very wet and miserable Nottingham. We decided to see the new Sherlock Holmes. My overall impression was extremely positive. The additions of Stephen Fry and Jared Harris to the cast were perfect. Harris makes a wonderful Moriarty (I kept catching glimpses of his father in his performance, all a bit spooky) and Fry is just as good as Mycroft. I going to go out on a limb here and suggest this is a better film than its predecessor. The scale is much larger than before and Downey Jr and Law have a rather marvellous chemistry/bromance going on that is very evident on screen. You never question the two performances for a second.

After the cinema a huge Chinese buffet beckoned (I am still full now hours later). We also did a bit of last minute shopping. Mostly for ourselves it has to be said. I got a Gruffalo pen and a new notepad. I dont need either of them but I did crave them.

No it’s not a self portrait….cheeky.

Once we got home I decided to do about of online shopping. I have received a few Amazon vouchers so it was time to load up my new Kindle with some choice items. After a bit of browsing I have 5 new ebooks and a Leatherman multi-tool.

Finally to round off the afternoon I sat and watched Laputa – Castle in the Sky. I am a huge fan of Studio Ghibli and this is my favourite. I just adore it. If you haven’t ever seen it I suggest you seek it out now. Go on, bugger off……Now, I mean it….

Bye bye

An Elementary Cheesecake

 

The name is Cheesecake….Pablo Cheesecake

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Music is a huge part of my life. When I was young I had a bash and lets just say I didn’t set the world alight with my efforts. Enthusiastic yes, talented less so. That said I still have a strong appreciation for good music done well. Irrespective of the genre, type, style as long as it is performed well it has the ability grab my attention and maintain it.

Let me try to give you an example. Earlier today I was sitting down to write a book review. I tend to chuck iTunes or Spotify on in the background as a bit of  music tends to get my old brain working. Half way through I realised that I have stopped writing and instead I’m day dreaming about being a spy. Where had this thought come from? The book I was writing about had nothing to do with spies but some how Bond had managed to sneak in there.

Before I go any further I should clarify when I talk about Bond I mean this guy. 

Sir James Bond

What do you mean ‘Who is that?’ Dude it’s only David Niven as Sir James Bond from the 1967 version of Casino Royale. The closest thing you’ll get to perfection my friend.

The music though is the key. If it is done well I am so easily distracted it is frightening. The track in question was this marvel.

This is a work of Burt-Bacharachien genius. Brashy and ballsy but also delicate. Jazzy and epic at the same time. I adore the multi-layered sound. I can’t drive but this always makes me day dream about driving a sports car along a long stretch of winding road somewhere in the south of France. (I have no idea where this comes from either. It’s good though isn’t it).


The Return of The Curse of the Brown Trousers

A while back I wrote about my panic after buying a brown pair of trousers. After their arrival and I tried them all appeared to be well and I thought that chapter of my life was over. NOT SO. After a only a couple of weeks this happened.

Fucking Annoying

I bent over and bloody things only ripped on the arse. Weird thing is I dont even have that big an arse. If anything my arse is somewhat lacking. The good news is that fortunately Mrs Cheesecake is a dab hand with a needle and thread and she swooped in and fixed them. I’m pleased to report they haven’t ripped since.

Coffee

I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. If I drink to much it gives me a headache and makes me a a bit narky. So much so that I made a decision about a year ago to stop drinking it. I have over the last couple of weeks I have start to dabble again but on a much smaller scale. Why? Because it is time to get myself down to Starbucks and get myself a redcup. The Eggnog Latte will be mine. Oh yes it will.

And Finally


I got these in the mail this week and I had to share.

Awesomeness in book form

The only question.Where to begin?

Enough of this light hearted procrastination…..onwards!

Toddle Pip

The Venerable Sir Pablo Cheesecake

Trolls, The New 52 and a Bake-a-thon

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Pablo Cheesecake, Trollhunter

This morning Mrs Cheesecake and I went to the cinema and we saw the latest found footage movie, Trollhunter. I demand you go and see this film immediately. This Norwegian epic is such good fun. The scenery is breathtaking. The story was highly enjoyable and the trolls themselves are a sight to behold.

I enjoyed this so much I felt compelled to ask Mrs Cheesecake to help me recreate a scene from the film. If you have been lucky enough to see the film then I think you can agree that the result is spookily accurate.

Pablo Cheesecake – Troll Hunter
I would particularly like to draw your attention to the fact I am wearing my nice bright green socks (perhaps not obvious as the photo is quite small, click on the photo to em-biggen). My feet were freezing when we got to Norway this afternoon. Also worth pointing out my hair goes the same colour as the trolls when it needs to get re-dyed (sad but true).
I am slightly concerned that there is going to be an English language remake of this. That would be a damn shame. The Norwegian cast were pitch perfect and I really cant imagine this story working anywhere else in the world.

The New 52

I also dipped my toes back into the world of comics this week. After much pondering I decided to I pick up Swamp Thing and Animal Man from the new DC range. Both were rather good. It has been a long time (years) since I bought any comic and I have to admit I was sceptical but turns out I was wrong. I think I may have to pick up Green Lantern next week. How long will this rekindled love affair last? Only time will tell.

Cakeageddon

Mrs Cheesecake has found her own bliss this week. Today after we got back from town she made a huge rustic loaf of bread, an apple and blackberry pie, a red velvet cake? and roast lemon and herb chicken. Check out the Twitters for evidence of this epic feat. I am being totally spoiled by all this homemade cookery. It is epic. Even as I type now she is pottering around in the kitchen making a cream cheese frosting for the cake. I think my waistline may explode. At least I will die happy 🙂

I’m going to go and get some cake.

Cheerio

Cheesecake Away!

 

Pablo Cheesecake vs The Summer Blockbusters of 2011

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I’m an avid movie-goer. I love the experience of viewing entertainment on a screen so huge that it fills my entire field of vision. For me cinema is all about escapism. Tell me a story, entertain me, take me me away from trails and tribulations of real life for a short while. I was think about it earlier today and it seems that this summer all the big blockbusters are all essentially about exactly the same thing.

Please don’t keep us in suspense Pablo – tell us dammit .

Ok seeing as you asked so politely, and there was no swearing, I shall. This year’s crop of summer blockbusters are all about…….drum roll please…….. how fucking great America is.
Now I should stress before I go any further that I am a fan of the US of States and this is merely an cinematic observation on my part. That said everything your read here is true….probably.

Exhibit A – Captain America
Ok. I admit this was an obvious first choice. I also have to admit that in all honesty I can’t give this one too much of a hard time. It was wonderfully done and by the final credits I was ready to join The Howling Comandos myself. There is no doubt this was all about the flag waving rampant patriotism but it was done extremely well. Fuck it…bring on The Avengers!

Captain America yesterday

 

Exhibit B – Super 8

Another example of Americana done terribly well. Who better than J.J. Abrahams and Steven Spielberg to provide a big old slice of late 70s nostalgia. Everything is wonderfully observed and the performances from the young leads were pitch perfect. Every scene offers a glimpse of the American suburbs at their best. I don’t doubt this will become a bit of a classic.
Exhibit C – Cowboys and Aliens

Oh for fuck sake….Cowboys…… Do I have to spell it out to you?
and finally….. Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon 
This is the one that really sent me a bit insane.
Michael Bay and his American tough guys chums,  oh and Shia LeBeouf, kick the living crap out of giant robots with the assistance of other giant robots. It felt sort of like a two and half hour ad for signing up to the military. I can imagine Mr Bay sitting about in his Hollywood mansion pondering ideas and thinking ‘well we’ve had every branch of the US Forces in the first two films. How are we going to top that? I’ve got it.  Lets throw fucking astronauts into the mix!’
I swear to God at one point, toward the end of the film, when everyone was wistfully looking around at all the devastation that had been caused to the streets of Chicago I thought that this was going to happen*
*I also have to admit a certain amount of disappointment when it didn’t. 
Transformers 3 is firmly at number one on my list of the least subtle films of all time. On the plus side though all the explosions were all awfully pretty.
Till another time, most likely in the future.
I’m Pablo Cheesecake, you’re not.
Fuck Yeah!

Ka-Blogged!

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A Treasure Trove

This afternoon Mrs Cheesecake and I were tidying out  a room and I happened across an old box full of random comics. In amongst all of the regular Marvel and DC fare there were a number of independent titles that I had forgot I owned.  Check these out

Fat Ninja Adolescent Radioactive

What can I say –  I went through a phase when I was a younger that the weirder something was the more I was interested in it. The results I believe speak for themselves. There are others as well but things just get weirder and weirder so perhaps I’ll leave those for another time.

Captain America Fuck Yeah!

It would appear that there is a distinctly comic book related theme to this post. Tomorrow Mrs C and I are going to go and check out the latest Marvel movie offering. The trailer looked pretty cool. Chris Evans appears to be a good choice for the Cap. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be jonesin for The Avengers at movie’s end. Lets see shall we.

I am The Law*

Last week I received Marshal Law: Fear and Loathing , as a late birthday gift. If you haven’t read this you should. This is a classic. Seek it out immediately. I demand you do this NOW!

Marshall Law

Seriously though this fucking rocks. It is well worth your time.

* Never mind Dredd this is the future policeman you should be worried about. Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill really do know their stuff.


To infinity and beyond!
Captain Cheesecake

Saturday was brought to you by….

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Pablo Cheesecake Vs Captain jack

I saw On Stranger Tides today. It was…..hmmm……alright. It didn’t set my world alight but it was also by no means terrible. Mr Depp is consistently watchable but the film left me feeling a little underwhelmed. The set pieces were all enjoyable – the chase in London and the mermaid capture – but overall I was a bit meh about it all. I guess it suffers a bit from the law of diminishing returns. That said I do still want to be a pirate though.

The bookshop Beckons

After the cinema we wandered down to our local Waterstones. I purchased Anno Dracula by Kim Newman, Horns by Joe Hill and some George R R Martin for Mrs Cheesecake. The store still has it’s ‘lovely’ Erotica section next to the Sci-Fi and Fantasy. I have to admit I was I little intrigued by this…

The mind boggles

I’ve checked and it has a five star review on Amazon you know. Also it has nothing to do with a sport called Ultimate Spanking – Just in case you thought it did.

Yet More Shops

After the visit to the bookshop/Spank-o-torium™ we had some lunch. Ostrich was on the menu and I have to say I was quite impressed. I admit I always expect something that resembles giant chicken and not lean beef. Any way lets just say it was tasty and leave it at that.

To round off our trip to town a swift visit to the sweetshop. Mrs Cheesecake had a hankering for a Sherbert Dib-Dab – who can blame her? I got a packet of Refreshers which I am going to go and munch right now.

Cheerio

Sod the Royal Wedding…it’s the Friday Film Fest

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Today in the UK was the Royal Weeding of Kate Middleton and Prince William. I wish them all the best in the world but had fuck, and indeed, all interest in watching the televised nuptials. Mrs Cheesecake was of a similar mind so we decided that we could escape all the wedding-i-ness in the local cinema. Two films in one day? Hell yeah!

thor

Have you heard? Dear, dear Kenny Branagh has directed a Marvel superhero movie. Good news peoples – it is a lot of fun. Chris Hemsworth plays the titular Norse thunder-worrier with just the right amount of arrogance and swagger. He struts about hitting various bad guys with his mighty hammer, #notaeuphemism, and it looks like he is having a ball. I have to admit that when I saw him sans t-shirt he made me feel truly insignificant. He is utterly ripped while I am nowt but a humble wok smuggler!

chris-hemsworth-shirtless

Nice to see the return of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the cameo from Hawkeye. I am sure that The Avengers will rock. Asgard looked suitably shiny for my liking. Mrs Cheesecake was looking for something a bit more ancient Norse. Would have been nice to have a bit more screen time for, Cheesecake Family Favourite™ , Ray Stevenson but alas it was not to be. Perhaps another time? We think he fucking rocks.

Tom Hiddleston makes for a splendid Loki and I suspect we will see more of him in the future. If we can’t have Blessed then I guess Hopkins will do as a suitable replacement as Odin. He could have been a bit shoutier though.

Overall a solid addition to the Marvel Studio line I think

fast five

After a suitably gut busting lunch. Don’t act so surprised. I told you I was a wok smuggler already! We settled down to another guilty pleasure of ours. The latest in the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Five.

The action was adrenalin fuelled. The car chases spectacularly stupid and the combination of The Rock and Vin Diesel on screen made Mrs Cheesecake come over all unnecessary. I swear at one point there was some much testosterone on screen I heard her ovaries pop.

dieselrock

All in all it was a lot of fun. Rio is an amazing looking place. To have such poverty next to such glamour. It’s all a bit of a headfuck really.

I’ve looked at all the reviews on IMDB and some loved it, some hated it. I thought it was daft as a bag of hammers so obviously worthy of my utter undying adoration. Nobody appears to mention the Star Wars sight gag though?

till next we meet

your royal correspondent

Sir Pablo Cheesecake