Saturday was brought to you by….

Posted on May 28, 2011 by paul

Pablo Cheesecake Vs Captain jack

I saw On Stranger Tides today. It was…..hmmm……alright. It didn’t set my world alight but it was also by no means terrible. Mr Depp is consistently watchable but the film left me feeling a little underwhelmed. The set pieces were all enjoyable – the chase in London and the mermaid capture – but overall I was a bit meh about it all. I guess it suffers a bit from the law of diminishing returns. That said I do still want to be a pirate though.

The bookshop Beckons

After the cinema we wandered down to our local Waterstones. I purchased Anno Dracula by Kim Newman, Horns by Joe Hill and some George R R Martin for Mrs Cheesecake. The store still has it’s ‘lovely’ Erotica section next to the Sci-Fi and Fantasy. I have to admit I was I little intrigued by this…

I’ve checked and it has a five star review on Amazon you know. Also it has nothing to do with a sport called Ultimate Spanking – Just in case you thought it did.

Yet More Shops

After the visit to the bookshop/Spank-o-torium™ we had some lunch. Ostrich was on the menu and I have to say I was quite impressed. I admit I always expect something that resembles giant chicken and not lean beef. Any way lets just say it was tasty and leave it at that.

To round off our trip to town a swift visit to the sweetshop. Mrs Cheesecake had a hankering for a Sherbert Dib-Dab – who can blame her? I got a packet of Refreshers which I am going to go and munch right now.

Cheerio

Gardening is the new Rock and Roll….no really

Posted on May 14, 2011 by paul

Our attempts to live ‘The Good Life’ took another step forward this morning with use finally completing the third raised bed. The potatoes, carrots and onions are doing quite well. The strawberries and rhubarb have exploded. I am still most excited about the sweetcorn and pumpkins. They are inside at the moment, but hopefully in a couple of weeks they can go outside as well.

Our garden this morning….fuck yeah!

If the sweetcorn works I am totally going to make my own popcorn from scratch.

Bank Holiday Balderdash (now with added piffle)

Posted on May 2, 2011 by paul

expanding gastronomic horizons

I have uncovered a new taste sensation in the local supermarket. Ladies and gentlemen *drum roll* I give you the Port Royal Salt Fish Patty.

These rock! They are the best thing in the world ever. Hot and spicy, slightly smoked fish and chillies wrapped in pastry. They are Jamaican in origin and are epically moreish. Mrs Cheesecake is horrified by their smell and doesn’t like spicy foods so they are best described as a ‘solitary pursuit’. The humble Greggs sausage roll better watch its fucking back, that’s all I’m saying.

the bells, the bells

Yesterday afternoon while gardening I found a cat collar with a little bell on it. I figured it had come of one of nextdoor’s moggies so I popped it in my pocket with thoughts of returning it later. Needless to say within seconds I had gone back to what I was doing and forgotten entirely about the collar. Later, and for the rest of the day, I kept hearing a tinkling sound and every time I turned I expected to see a cat. By the end of the day I was beginning to question my sanity. You may not be surprised to discover that the collar is no longer in my pocket.

this is the end?

I have noticed a worrying trend of late. When I go to the cinema with Mrs Cheesecake I like to sit down with a medium diet coke and packet of Tooty Frooties.

Around 2hrs later, more often than not, I feel entertained and the diet coke has worked its magic so that my bladder is ready to explode. A swift exit is the thing most pressing on my mind. Why then must I sit an wait through ten minutes of credits just so I can get an extra two minutes of movie action? This happened during both films I saw on Saturday. Are you listening Hollywood! You shower of bastards! Stop with the extra scenes after the chuffing credits. Enough already. I demand that you cease and desist with all this foolishness. My bladder and I will be most grateful. This is not a cocking competition you know. Not every film has to have these little Easter Eggs for the intrepid few who manage to hold out.

With that in mind I have decided to add in extra content after the end of this post in order to keep people sat in front of their PCs for far longer than is necessary.

Till a time that is further in the future than now

Bye

Mr C

…

Ta da! Extra content. Woo it really was worth the wait wasn’t it? No I didn’t think so either. I should stress the eyebrows aren’t real. Unfortunately everything else is.

Thoughts For A Day

Posted on April 30, 2011 by paul

This evening nothing but ten random bits of news and thoughts that have occurred this very day –

The car passed its MOT
Cats as a rule are sneaky escape artists
A watched vegetable never grows
My sense of direction is excellent
I ate my first Portobello mushroom
Pirate related post is always a welcome surprise
Dandelions are tenacious fuckers
Being awake and outside at eight am on a Saturday is just plain wrong
Viewing a car accident appears to occur in slow-mo
If there can be but one Cornetto – make it strawberry

So there, in absolutely no order whatsoever, you have it. A number of things

Sod the Royal Wedding…it’s the Friday Film Fest

Posted on April 29, 2011 by paul

Today in the UK was the Royal Weeding of Kate Middleton and Prince William. I wish them all the best in the world but had fuck, and indeed, all interest in watching the televised nuptials. Mrs Cheesecake was of a similar mind so we decided that we could escape all the wedding-i-ness in the local cinema. Two films in one day? Hell yeah!

thor

Have you heard? Dear, dear Kenny Branagh has directed a Marvel superhero movie. Good news peoples – it is a lot of fun. Chris Hemsworth plays the titular Norse thunder-worrier with just the right amount of arrogance and swagger. He struts about hitting various bad guys with his mighty hammer, #notaeuphemism, and it looks like he is having a ball. I have to admit that when I saw him sans t-shirt he made me feel truly insignificant. He is utterly ripped while I am nowt but a humble wok smuggler!

Nice to see the return of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the cameo from Hawkeye. I am sure that The Avengers will rock. Asgard looked suitably shiny for my liking. Mrs Cheesecake was looking for something a bit more ancient Norse. Would have been nice to have a bit more screen time for, Cheesecake Family Favourite™ , Ray Stevenson but alas it was not to be. Perhaps another time? We think he fucking rocks.

Tom Hiddleston makes for a splendid Loki and I suspect we will see more of him in the future. If we can’t have Blessed then I guess Hopkins will do as a suitable replacement as Odin. He could have been a bit shoutier though.

Overall a solid addition to the Marvel Studio line I think

fast five

After a suitably gut busting lunch. Don’t act so surprised. I told you I was a wok smuggler already! We settled down to another guilty pleasure of ours. The latest in the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Five.

The action was adrenalin fuelled. The car chases spectacularly stupid and the combination of The Rock and Vin Diesel on screen made Mrs Cheesecake come over all unnecessary. I swear at one point there was some much testosterone on screen I heard her ovaries pop.

All in all it was a lot of fun. Rio is an amazing looking place. To have such poverty next to such glamour. It’s all a bit of a headfuck really.

I’ve looked at all the reviews on IMDB and some loved it, some hated it. I thought it was daft as a bag of hammers so obviously worthy of my utter undying adoration. Nobody appears to mention the Star Wars sight gag though?

till next we meet

your royal correspondent

Sir Pablo Cheesecake

Living with A Percy Thrower

Posted on April 16, 2011 by paul

We are quite lucky that our back garden is of a reasonable size. The front is tiny, but the back – she is quite big. Last year Mrs Cheesecake decided she was keen to develop a green finger so had a bash at planting some carrots, onions, potatoes and strawberries. The results were positive for the most part with the exception of the carrots which could best be described as “a bit mutated“. Apart from that bizarreness it was a success. For reference we also inherited a pear tree and an apple tree so there was lots of fruit and veg available. This year Mrs C has decided to up the stakes a little. She is attempting the following:

Potatoes
Onions
Carrots (purple – see below)
Carrots (orange – in case the purple ones are just too damn weird)
Strawberries
Apples
Blackcurrants
Redcurrants
Plums
Pumpkins
Tomatoes
Blueberries
Pears
Rhubarb
Peas
Various herbs and garlic

Now we are not going all Good Life but I’ll give her this much – Mrs Cheesecake aims big! If I could just convince her to purchase a sheep so I didn’t have to mow the lawn I would be quids in. How much does a sheep cost?

Told you didn’t I? – purple fucking carrots!

Sometimes I think too much…

Posted on April 14, 2011 by paul

I apologise in advance for some of the content in this evenings post. Things get a bit heavy near the beginning. Ahh fuck it. I’ll be honest it’s the closest you’ll every get to deep and meaningful from me so you best enjoy it will you can.

Am I Really Me?

Here is the head scratcher that I sometimes ponder in the wee small hours of the night. Before I get to the gist of this particular rambling I have to give you a bit of personal history by way of an explanation. When I was four and a half years old I was involved in a serious road accident. I was in the back of a car that was hit by an articulated lorry. The net result being that I was crushed between the front passenger seat and the seat that I was sat on. The back of my skull shattered into my brain and I was in coma for a number of weeks. Brain surgery fucking rocks btw! When I woke I had effectively rebooted. I had lost my memory, was unable to walk or talk. You may find it hard to believe but I was incredibly lucky. When I had first arrived at hospital I was only given hours. The fact that I am still here thirty two years later proves that I must be at least a little bit lucky?

Anyway back to my original point.

The thought that I keep coming back to is this – if the accident had never happened would I be the same person I am now? After the accident I was essentially Pablo Cheesecake 2.0. I had to re-learn everything. I wonder if I would have grown up to be different or the same as I am now. I often think about it. Have I replaced myself? Am I a totally different person from who I was before? Told you it was a mind-bender.

My Latest Brain Worm

For reasons I can’t even begin the fathom the Katy Perry song ‘Firework’ is stuck on my head. Can’t think why? I’m not what you would call a fan of her work. I’m sure she is fabulous, if you like that kind of thing. Phew we’re back on shallow ground again, that’s a relief. Katy Perry – Is she the one married to Brand?

The Hobbit

I watched the first production diary today and it filled me with warm and fuzzy feelings. Genuinely raised a smile. Later on I saw a tweet from Duncan Jones (director of Moon, Source Code) saying that this video reminded him of why he wanted to be a involved with movies in the first place. How cool is that?

Enough already

Later

A week of unhealthy obsession…..

Posted on April 3, 2011 by paul

Once again Mrs Cheesecake is out in the fresh air attacking the garden with an admirable vigour. I, meanwhile, am hiding out in the spare room pondering the universe. This week I have mostly been obsessing about all the little things.

Pablo Cheesecake – Stat Whore

A negative I’ve noticed about running The Eloquent Page is that I have started to obsess about the number of hits the site receives on a daily basis. It’s ridiculous really. I get caught up with numbers, always have if I’m honest. I set myself a target and once I reach that I always have to try and go one better. If for any reason I get less than the day before I am thrown into a blind panic and start to question my entire existence.

This behaviour has to stop. I need to remember the reason I created the site in the first place. For those playing along at home the correct answer is – To get back into reading and to connect with others who love a good read.

In an effort to curb the madness and reclaim my sanity I am only going to post once this week, on Friday.

A game of cheesecake

This week I’m also attempting to take on my Moby Dick of reading, my great white literary whale, A Game of Thrones. I thought I should read before the TV show starts. I’ve mentioned in the past that I have never managed to read this book and I am more determined than ever to break the back of this beast. Unfortunately I am not off to a flying start, only 30 pages in *sadface*. Hell I should probably be reading it right now but instead I am waxing lyrical on the interweb.

green lantern

I saw the new footage of the Green Lantern on the internet yesterday. I was impressed and then I was panicked. Is it too good to be true? Have we been subjected to the best 4 minutes already and the movie as a whole will not the what I hoped it could be? Am I obsessing again about things that I have absolutely no control over whatsoever? I remain fearfully optimistic.

feel the Burn

I reached a milestone with the old situps at the beginning of the week. I have now sailed past 5000 and I am bang on track to achieve 20000 in 2011. Now that I have settled into a routine I am starting to panic that it is getting too easy and I wont reap any benefits. I’m worried that if there is less pain there will be less gain. I’ll be honest the KFC probably isn’t helping either.

Great Scott! I’m a gibbering wreck of a human being. Please feel free to return to your normal Sunday afternoon viewing while I go and rock slowly in the corner muttering expletives to myself.

Spring has just arrived but Winter is Coming?

Posted on March 26, 2011 by paul

Ahhh Spring and a young (ahem) man’s thoughts turn to blogging. It seems this week that winter is finally receding and the weather is taking a turn for the better. On Tuesday I went to work without a jacket and last night I purchased a short sleeved shirt. Thinking about it this will probably encourage rain. Feel free to blame me I don’t care.

As I type Mrs Cheesecake is out pottering around in the garden. (I should point out that I was helping as well but once all the heavy lifting is done I tend to become superfluous to requirements. I don’t really excel when it come to the delicate stuff.)

game of thrones

We creep ever closer to April 18th and the UK debut of Game of Thrones. I remain steadfastly optimistic but I still haven’t got around to reading the first book. I should probably do that? I am sure it would make the whole televisual experience that much more exciting. In an even worse admission – I own a copy I’ve just never opened it. I know, I know. I should be taken out back a flayed to within an inch of my existence.

tech obsessive

I just cant help myself. I get a gadget and immediately I have a desire to replace it with the next new shiny that appears on the market. I think part of the problem is that I don’t research things enough. I got a new phone eighteen months ago and thought I was onto a good deal. Turns out I was just buying into the marketing hype. It truly is a massive steaming turd of a thing. I need to learn to take a step back and then breathe before I make a fucking decision. Still only one hundred and twenty three days and then I can get the phone I actually want.

ninjas

I recently said on The Eloquent Page that any book is enhanced by the addition on zombies. (I stick to that conclusion by the way). This got me thinking about films. Is there a cinematic equivalent? After much searching I believe the answer may be YES. I firmly believe that the addition of ninjas into any film can only be a good thing. Check this out insanity out!

Ninjas–Fuck Yeah!

I have to admit that I do enjoy a film when it is distinctly cheese-laden and this looks like it may fit the bill.

5000 and counting

I reached the first major milestone in this years exercise related buffoonery. 5000 out of 20000 situps are now done. I am bang on my schedule and I think I am starting to feel the benefits of this regime. Next big target is the half way point which, all things remaining equal, I should hit around the end of June. Remember if you are that ways inclined I do have a Just Giving page, in conjunction with the ever steadfast Gibbiot, where you can show your support.

Till later peoples

stay golden

Mr C

21st Century Frankenstein

Posted on March 19, 2011 by paul

This afternoon Mrs Cheesecake and I went to the cinema but rather than see a film we saw a play. The National Theatre are using the wonder of modern technology to present digital screenings of their version of Frankenstein through out the UK at select cinemas. What an absolute treat it was.

Directed by Danny Boyle and starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller this production of Shelly’s classic novel is viewed very much from the monsters perspective.

In an interesting casting decision Cumberbatch and Miller alternate the roles of the Doctor Frankenstein and the Monster each performance. (We saw a performance with Cumberbatch as the monster.)

Both leads were exceptional though for sheer physical presence Cumberbatch may have nudged slightly ahead. That said I am sure if we had seen Lee Miller as the monster I would have felt that way about him. As I said the show is all about the monster.

The supporting cast were great. Karl Johnson stood out as an old blind man who befriends the beast.

The sets though quite minimal were very effective. Some imaginative lighting added to this.

The two hours flew by and I was completely engrossed in the story. If I had the opportunity I would be keen to see another performance with Lee Miller as the Monster for comparison’s sake.

If you get the chance I strongly advise you check this out!

Pablo Cheesecake

A Mid-Life Crisis Waiting to Happen…

Author Archives: paul