A Cinematic Deathmatch…

Posted on March 6, 2011 by paul

Yesterday I went to the cinema with Mrs Cheesecake, as is our want on a typical Saturday afternoon. Actually if you have ever read my blog before then this fact will come as very little surprise.

We saw the new James Purejoy flick, Ironclad. (I should stress I didn’t come up with the nickname Purejoy that was Mrs Cheesecake and her interweb chums.)

I enjoyed the film immensely you should check it out, but that is an aside.

I spotted Jason Flemyng playing a character called Beckett. Think medieval mercenary type and you’ll be on the right lines. *SPOILER* He dies *END SPOILER* After the film a thought popped into my brain, I freely admit this doesn’t happen often. Jason Flemyng seems to die in everything he appears in. Now I admit I haven’t seen his entire back catalogue but it appears just about everything I have watched, that he is in, he bites the bullet.

Behold the evidence

Deep Rising – Tentacled to death
Stardust – Taken out by ambitious sibling.
Solomon Kane – Dispatched by “The Purejoy”. It’s nice to see they made up in Ironclad.
Clash of the Titans – Removed from existence by “The Worthington” and he gets his hand chopped off and mutated beyond all recognition before that. Poor bastard.
Ironclad – Oh go and see the film for goodness sake!

Who else, I thought, suffers such cinematic bad luck? After sitting around for a bit scratching my head I remembered. Poor old Michelle Rodriguez.

Resident Evil – Milla Jovovich is the main female lead. Michelle didn’t stand a chance.
Bloodrayne – I’ve seen this but as it is a Uwe Boll film I am required by law to never speak of it again.
Fast & Furious – Well she lasted till the fourth film of the franchise. That’s not bad.
Lost – They are all already dead anyway so I’m not sure if this counts. (oh sorry *SPOILERS*)
Avatar- Even working with James Cameron can’t save you Michelle!

I reckon it’s about time Jason and Michelle were given a fair shake of the stick. Lets make a film where they get to cut about and dispatch the bad guys and neither of them die?

Oh suit yourself. It was just a thought.

Why isn’t it Friday?

Posted on March 3, 2011 by paul

Its been a while since I gave my brain a shake to see what would fall out. Not that I need a reason or anything but seeing as it’s a Thursday and Mrs Cheesecake is involved in some hardcore gaming activity I thought I would type some of the letter keys on my keyboard and see where I ended up.

Politics…Fuck Yeah!

I got a letter today from a Mr Ed Milliband. Apperently he thinks we are friends. He wants to have a chat. I have been musing about my response for a couple of hours and I have come to the conclusion I would rather have my knackers trapped in a vice and hit repeatedly with a cricket bat. After the spectacular horror that was the last General Election I think politics and I need time away from one another. We’ll still talk and try remaining civil, if only for the children’s sake, but for the most part we need to go our separate ways.

Book Overload

This week for reasons I still don’t fully understand I decided to read four books rather than the usual two. I won’t be attempting that again in a hurry. My brain was completely frazzled by the end of the fourth book. All my free time was taken up with reading. I think I’ll chock this one up as an experiment. I have learned my limits if nothing else.

Hmm tonight’s effort short but sweet.

Night all

Movie Mash-up Madness and Celluloid Saturday

Posted on February 19, 2011 by paul

Earlier in the week Mrs Cheesecake and I were discussing films. (Not and uncommon occurrence in the Cheesecake household). I had explained to her that I was delighted that with the release Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s new film it was now possible to craft an accurate movie mash-up poster of my real name. (What you thought Pablo Cheesecake was on my birth certificate? Seriously?) My real name is Paul Holmes and by combining Pegg and Frost’s alien comedy with Robert Downey Jr’s consulting detective…hell you get the idea. Mrs Cheesecake took things one step further, being the photoshop ninja that she is, and created the image below. Needless to say I was over the moon. I think she has very skilfully managed to capture my best qualities in movie poster form!

Paul Holmes
Fast forward to today and we decided to head to the cinema and see the aforementioned comedy. What can I say without spoiling all the best bits? I was in a beautiful geek dream. Anyone who has ever seen Star Wars, Star Trek, BSG , Close Encounters of The Third Kind, Aliens or in fact just about any other sci-fi movie/tv show will find something to enjoy here. I fucking loved it.

After a light lunch at the chinese buffet (I’m lying, they had to roll me out of the place) we moved on to our second cinematic offering of the day – True Grit. Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Hailee Steinfeld were all great. I can imagine that there will be Oscars.

Mrs Cheesecake also bought me The Warriors on blu-ray as a little Valentine Day’s gift so I can now round of this week with a bit of 70s style gang drama. Will The Warriors make it all the way back to Coney Island with all of New York after them. Lets find out.
Later Peoples
Mr C

The Tale of The Toaster

Posted on February 12, 2011 by paul

This is essentially one big old rant so if your not interested I would look away now. Mind you there is a nice bit at the beginning about loving toast but after that….

Mrs Cheesecake are I are both fans of all things toasted. Crumpets, bagels and good old fashioned bread, they all fucking rock. A Sunday morning hardly goes by without some sort of toasted bakery product being involved. Jams and spreads are also always included and it cheers my soul at the start of the day (I think you get the gist, we like toast).

Recently we noted that our current toaster was on its last legs after many faithful years of service. Time for a replacement. Mrs Cheesecake shopped around online and found one on Amazon, a shiny Morphy Richards affair that seemed to meet our stringent toast related requirements. A couple of weeks later, once we had been paid, she went to purchase the toaster only to discover that it had nearly doubled in price!!! She decided to go straight to the source and purchase from Morphy Richards online as this was a cheaper option. The toaster was duly purchased and we sat back to await its arrival.

A week later a card from a courier company was awaiting for us when we got home from work.I may be paraphrasing a bit here but the card said something along these lines – Oh hey, we called while you were out, Oh no! We’ll try again tomorrow *smiley face*.

Next day the same thing and the day after that. Mrs Cheesecake decided to give the courier a ring. After nearly an hour of searching for a customer services number and navigating the tricky automated call logging system she finally got to speak to a real human being.

The phone call went something like this

MRS CHEESECAKE: Can you deliver to my work address as it’s easier to reach me there than at home.

COURIER: Sure. Let me just check the the item. (Slight delay) No sorry we can’t.

MRS CHEESECAKE: Why?

COURIER: Morphy Richards only allow us only to deliver to the billing address. I would suggest you give them a call. Here are there details.

So, armed with this information, Mrs Cheesecake calls Morphy Richards. She explains the situation and asks for the delivery address to be changed. Morphy Richards immediately respond with a firm NO, citing the same reason the courier gave. Mrs Cheesecake then enquires to the location of the toaster.

Morphy Richards were instructing the courier (there name rhymes with PHL) to only deliver to our home address. The courier would only delivery between 9 and 5. The hours we are at chuffing work.The only option available was to collect from the depot. Turns out that’s miles away. Mrs Cheesecake was told that it would stay there for a week and then be returned to Morphy Richards and she can request a refund at that time if she requires.

What a spectacular online shopping fuck up/fail (on almost all counts). Isn’t online purchasing supposed to be easy? You know hassle free and that sort of shit? We now both feel like this.

See you later

A disheartened Cheesecake

Turns out I was wrong…

Posted on February 3, 2011 by paul

The second thousand sit-ups are the hardest. I’ve reached the next milestone in my personal challenge for 2011. Two thousand sit-ups done, a trifling eighteen thousand to go. So far so good. If I’m being honest things are getting easier. Each morning I can rattle through fifty sit-ups and then another fifty when I get home from work. I am now trying to concentrate on improving my form. I want to make every single one of the blighters count!

Food! Glorious Food!

Posted on January 24, 2011 by paul

This past weekend Mrs Cheesecake and I went a bit of a bender. A tasty, tasty bender.

On Saturday night we dined at Piccolino in Nottingham. I had a splendid carpaccio of beef to start followed by roast cod with Italian sausage and chilli. Both were exceptional. Is is always my habit I had an expresso to finish. Mrs Cheesecake had mushroom bruschetta with pesto and goats cheese and then as a main course duck with apple.

Sunday lead us to The Priory in Portbury near Bristol. We had been due to go at new year but due to illness were unable to go. We had a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. It was truly sublime.

Back to the diet today but man what a blow out!

The first thousand are the hardest….

Posted on January 18, 2011 by paul

I’m a celebratory mood this evening. I have hit the first milestone in this year’s epic quest. 1000 sit-ups done. Only the trifling matter of another 19000 to go. Huzzah! I’d also like to take a moment to remind everyone that you can give a donation, by way of encouragement, to force me to continue with this nonsense. The link to the Just Giving page is listed below.

http://www.justgiving.com/twofatmen

I’d imagine there will be further updates throughout the year.

Cheerio

Behold the Cheese

Posted on January 11, 2011 by paul

My musical tastes can only be described as eclectic. When listening to tunes on my trusty iPod styles flail wildly from the folksy goodness of Jethro Tull and Mumford & Sons to the hardcore Wagnerian anthems of Rammstein. Here is my latest hero…… one Richard Cheese.

Lets check out some of the maestro’s work. First some Guns and Roses

Then some Depeche Mode

And to end some Star Wars

What great stuff. Jazzy clever covers that are incredibly well done. Richard and his band Lounge Against the Machine rock my socks. For the uninitiated I suggest you could do a lot worse than a bit of Dick at Night.

An App Store Purchase

Posted on January 8, 2011 by paul

Finally made my first purchase on the new Mac App Store. I tried a demo version of Mars Edit a couple of weeks ago and I found it to be quite an easy blogging tool. I decided to bite the bullet and move from trying to buying. This little bloggerette is just a quick post to test the install. All seems well.
Goodnight

Pablo Cheesecake vs Internet Shopping

Posted on January 4, 2011 by paul

There is a distinct possibility that there will be swearing in this post. (There consider yourself suitably warned.)

I’m essentially a laidback sort. I wouldn’t normally say boo to a goose but recently I have had a bad experience with an online retailer that has pissed me of no end. I consider myself internet savvy and have bought enough things online over the years but seriously this was a fucking nightmare.

It was Mrs Cheesecake’s birthday last September and I bought her a gift from an online shop. Turns out the item wasn’t quite right so I returned it for a refund. Today I had to threaten legal action in order to get a response from the shop owners. This was after a dozen increasingly annoyed e-mails to the them that had resulted in no response. According to their website they pride themselves on their customer service. What fucking customer service motherfuckers!!!! Nearly five months to sort out a refund isn’t customer service pal. I really wish I could name and shame but I haven’t got the money yet but I now feel a bit more hopeful that I’ll get the money back and finally get Mrs Cheesecake a gift she deserves.

Sorry for the rant but I had to get that off my chest. Better now. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Pablo Cheesecake

A Mid-Life Crisis Waiting to Happen…

Author Archives: paul