Flash Ahh-Ahh – Another Old Skool movie blog

If Brian Blessed were a cake he would be fruit and nut. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t mean that in a nasty way. He’s is as mad as a bag of snakes and I love him for it. More on the King of Bellowing later, I just had to get that off my chest from the get-go.
Cheesecakes Alive???
There have been a number of attempts to bring Alex Raymond‘s creation to life. From the Buster Crabbe film serials, via Defenders of the Earth, right up to recent abysmal TV series (oh come on…it was shit and you know it). Hell there is even a 3D version in development right now. What I’m really interested in though is the 1980 film.

The Mike Hodges vision of Flash is deliciously camp. Rightly so in my opinion. Look at this example below of one of the original strips. Strewth he’s got no strides on! That’s right Flash is all about no pants action.
No Pants Gordon
With this as the source material there is really no surprise we ended up here. Actually it’s quite tame in comparison isn’t it.
Flash...Ahh....Ahh

The Cast

Everyone is great in this. Max Von Sydow is the worlds greatest pantomime villain as Ming the Merciless. Having Peter Wyngarde as Klytus is inspired as well. I understand why he had to wear a mask though. Can’t have Jason King stealing all the limelight now can we.

The Sex
(As an aside. When I grow up I want to look like this)

Topol, Melody Anderson, Timothy Dalton, Richard O’Brien, The dude from Blue Peter (yes I know it was Peter Duncan. It was a joke) they are all perfect. Damn shame Flash, Sam Jones, got dubbed but them as they say is the breaks. Even spotted a young Robbie Coltrane as a baggage handler near the beginning of the film. Though if you blink you will miss him.

Brian Blessed is brilliant as Vultan, King of the Hawkmen. His subtly nuanced shouting makes the film for me. He wanders around wearing a strange leather nappy/S&M outfit as though it is the most natural thing in the world. Why he is not playing Odin in Thor I will never know. He was robbed dammit.

The Music

It’s Queen people. Come on with this and Highlander they rocked the 80s movie soundtrack scene. Ok I’m not sure if there was actually a scene but lets just imagine there was. Just sit back and enjoy. Go to your happy place and let this nonsense just wash over you.

The film never did particularly well it the box office. Sam Jones even won a Golden Raspberry for his acting but personally I think this masterpiece needs your love. This is a pulp hero made flesh in the campiest manner available and it rocks.

All together now, FLASH….AHH…AHH…He’ll save everyone of us.

Flash Cheesecake

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Solomon Kane – a Cheesecake’s view

Recently I was in London and as part of the trip had the opportunity to meet James Purefoy. He’s terribly good looking, impossibly dashing and, according to Mrs Cheesecake and friends, should be renamed James Purejoy. You can read about my escapades here.

After my return from that there London I finally got the opportunity to go see his latest film – Solomon Kane. Based on the stories written by Robert E Howard the film is a tale of a man seeking redemption. Set in an a muddy 17th century England Kane is at the outset essentially a scumbag. He kills, maims and destroys whatever he can. He cares for nothing but himself.  Shockingly for such a nice chap a minion of Beelzebub turns up and explains that his soul is now damned and the Devil wants to collect. From this point on Kane tries to walk a peaceful path. He turns his back on his evil ways and tries to lead a good life. Needless to safe El Diablo is not such a push over and Kane is forced to face his demons (literally and metaphorically).

Purefoy being all smoldery

Somewhere on the net some person much wittier than I described Solomon Kane as a West Country Batman. I can see what they are getting at. The story fair smacks of Troubled Avenger. Not that this is a bad thing. Purefoy always manages to make Kane look pained when he has to resort to violence. Here is a man that wants nothing but peace but can’t escape his past.

As an aside the following thought did occur to me. How old is Max Von Sydow? He seems to have made a career out of playing old men (with the exception on Ming and the Brewmeister Smith from Strange Brew. Actually if you haven’t seen Strange Brew seek if out. Very odd and very funny).

Solomon Kane looks great. Its is meant to be all grungy and dark and it succeeds in spades. I think I would have liked to have seen a bit more of Jason Flemyng‘s character. He plays the main villain of the piece and i think he deserved a bit more screen time.

A more artistic rendering...

The end of the film is left wide open for a sequel and I think I would probably seek it out should one be made. Only if the following scene is used mind you. I apologise in advance to fans of Batman (1989)

[Solomon Kane dangles a thug over the side of a building]
Thug : Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me, man! Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me, man!
Solomon Kane: I’m not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Thug : What are you?
Solomon Kane : I’m Solomon Kane. All right my lover.

Till next time

Solomon Cheesecake

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