Cheesecake Assemble!

Welcome, Wilkommen & Bienvenue

It is entirely possible that you are a new follower of mine on one of the various social media networks that I inhabit. If that’s true then it is also possible that you’re only familiar with The Eloquent Page and not the roaming free form consciousness that is my Mid Life Crisis. Let me quickly explain. This is my personal blog for all stuff that isn’t about books. Here I waffle about anything that takes my fancy. Things often get random and frequently degenerate into mindless rants. There are no rules, regular spelling mistakes are guaranteed (or you’re money back) and you can also expect the grossest of crimes against the evil gods of punctuation.

Still there?

Oh good. Lets see what has taken my fancy this week.

It’s (NOT) The End of The World as We Know It

Typical isn’t it. You get yourself all psyched up for the big one and then some archaeological snot comes along at says ‘Nope, we were wrong all this time. The Mayan calendar will actually run for another 7000 years and the world isn’t going to end this December 21st after all’. How disappointing is that? I’ve been stockpiling Pot Noodles and Ruffle Bars for months (I lied about the Ruffle Bars. Do they even make these anymore? I may start to stockpile them just for the hell of it. I bet they aren’t as good as when I was a kid * starts to mutter about all this once being fields, jumpers for goalposts etc, etc*).

ney back) and you can also expect the grossest of crimes against the evil gods of punctuation.

Ruffle Bars. Fuck Yeah!

Back to my point (I’m sure I had one). Ahh yes, overall I am what you would call a trifle disappointed. I was looking forward to something involving mutants and perhaps a nice Mad Max 2 style motif.

Oh well only just over seven thousand years to wait. I’ll see you there?

My First Multiple Joygasm

Yesterday Mrs C and I finally managed to catch a screening of The Avengers. For various reasons we have had to wait for two weeks since it came out. What can I say? Essentially I sat for the entire length of the film with a big dumb goofy grin on my face. It was wonderful. So much so that I had another one of my epiphanies that goes something like this.

I’m working on the assumption that most, if not all of you, have at one time or another had an orgasm (fucking great aren’t they? can’t recommend them enough. If you haven’t had one you really should get around to getting yourself one. They are awfully good. I digress.) In a similar vein there is what I like to call ‘the joygasm’. Now the joygasm is basically that brilliant moment when you are indulging in some activity you love (this can be anything as long as it is not sex) and you experience a moment of sheer unadulterated joy. For me it happens most often to me when I watch films. Here’s a quick list of examples that always ensure I achieve a joygasm

•    The moment Jonh Williams score for Superman begins

•    Lewis Collins running down the hallway at the end of Who Dares Wins

•    The faux happy ending and then the real ending of Brazil (I should note joygasms don’t always have to come from an upbeat cinematic moment).

•    The line “You killed my father. Prepare to die” from The Princess Bride

•    Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live.

So in a nutshell what I am saying is that each and everyone one of these things always makes me spectacularly happy. I won’t bore you with the reasons why just believe me when I say that they do.

Avengers was chock full of these perfect little moments. *BEWARE MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD*

•    The Helicarrier

•    Hulk and Thor duking it out

•    Agent Coulson saying goodbye

•    The final battle

•    The after credits scene

•    Loki and The Hulk play rag doll


Avengers Casual Friday

I could so easily go on and on but I’ll attempt to manfully rein my enthusiasm in. Suffice to say, this is, with out a doubt, the biggest spectacle of the year so far. I am in awe. More, I demand it now, immediately if not sooner. Hence the title of this little section of the post My First Multiple Joygasm. I beat you thought this bit was going to be all filthy didn’t you? You perv.

That, There Training Malarkey

I had my first proper blip in my attempt to run 500k in 2012. Last week I over did it when weight training and managed to pull the muscles in my left arm. I ended up having to walk 5k and the gym for the next session as I couldn’t run. I was really annoyed at myself for such a simple mistake. I should have worked up to lifting heavier weights but instead I just over did it and paid the consequences. Lesson learned the hard way. I am glad to say that my arm is just about back to normal. Now if I can just get rid of this spectacular cold I have I should be ready to begin again, sensibly, on Tuesday. Here’s hoping.

Right enough of the random spouting. I’m off to save the world from itself. Until next time be excellent to each other and party on dudes! (Oh yeah, I’m kickin it old school).

Mr C

Pablo Cheesecake vs The Summer Blockbusters of 2011

I’m an avid movie-goer. I love the experience of viewing entertainment on a screen so huge that it fills my entire field of vision. For me cinema is all about escapism. Tell me a story, entertain me, take me me away from trails and tribulations of real life for a short while. I was think about it earlier today and it seems that this summer all the big blockbusters are all essentially about exactly the same thing.

Please don’t keep us in suspense Pablo – tell us dammit .

Ok seeing as you asked so politely, and there was no swearing, I shall. This year’s crop of summer blockbusters are all about…….drum roll please…….. how fucking great America is.
Now I should stress before I go any further that I am a fan of the US of States and this is merely an cinematic observation on my part. That said everything your read here is true….probably.

Exhibit A – Captain America
Ok. I admit this was an obvious first choice. I also have to admit that in all honesty I can’t give this one too much of a hard time. It was wonderfully done and by the final credits I was ready to join The Howling Comandos myself. There is no doubt this was all about the flag waving rampant patriotism but it was done extremely well. Fuck it…bring on The Avengers!

Captain America yesterday

 

Exhibit B – Super 8

Another example of Americana done terribly well. Who better than J.J. Abrahams and Steven Spielberg to provide a big old slice of late 70s nostalgia. Everything is wonderfully observed and the performances from the young leads were pitch perfect. Every scene offers a glimpse of the American suburbs at their best. I don’t doubt this will become a bit of a classic.
Exhibit C – Cowboys and Aliens

Oh for fuck sake….Cowboys…… Do I have to spell it out to you?
and finally….. Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon 
This is the one that really sent me a bit insane.
Michael Bay and his American tough guys chums,  oh and Shia LeBeouf, kick the living crap out of giant robots with the assistance of other giant robots. It felt sort of like a two and half hour ad for signing up to the military. I can imagine Mr Bay sitting about in his Hollywood mansion pondering ideas and thinking ‘well we’ve had every branch of the US Forces in the first two films. How are we going to top that? I’ve got it.  Lets throw fucking astronauts into the mix!’
I swear to God at one point, toward the end of the film, when everyone was wistfully looking around at all the devastation that had been caused to the streets of Chicago I thought that this was going to happen*
*I also have to admit a certain amount of disappointment when it didn’t. 
Transformers 3 is firmly at number one on my list of the least subtle films of all time. On the plus side though all the explosions were all awfully pretty.
Till another time, most likely in the future.
I’m Pablo Cheesecake, you’re not.
Fuck Yeah!

Saturday was brought to you by….

Pablo Cheesecake Vs Captain jack

I saw On Stranger Tides today. It was…..hmmm……alright. It didn’t set my world alight but it was also by no means terrible. Mr Depp is consistently watchable but the film left me feeling a little underwhelmed. The set pieces were all enjoyable – the chase in London and the mermaid capture – but overall I was a bit meh about it all. I guess it suffers a bit from the law of diminishing returns. That said I do still want to be a pirate though.

The bookshop Beckons

After the cinema we wandered down to our local Waterstones. I purchased Anno Dracula by Kim Newman, Horns by Joe Hill and some George R R Martin for Mrs Cheesecake. The store still has it’s ‘lovely’ Erotica section next to the Sci-Fi and Fantasy. I have to admit I was I little intrigued by this…

The mind boggles

I’ve checked and it has a five star review on Amazon you know. Also it has nothing to do with a sport called Ultimate Spanking – Just in case you thought it did.

Yet More Shops

After the visit to the bookshop/Spank-o-torium™ we had some lunch. Ostrich was on the menu and I have to say I was quite impressed. I admit I always expect something that resembles giant chicken and not lean beef. Any way lets just say it was tasty and leave it at that.

To round off our trip to town a swift visit to the sweetshop. Mrs Cheesecake had a hankering for a Sherbert Dib-Dab – who can blame her? I got a packet of Refreshers which I am going to go and munch right now.

Cheerio

A week of unhealthy obsession…..

Once again Mrs Cheesecake is out in the fresh air attacking the garden with an admirable vigour. I, meanwhile, am hiding out in the spare room pondering the universe. This week I have mostly been obsessing about all the little things.

Pablo Cheesecake – Stat Whore

A negative I’ve noticed about running The Eloquent Page is that I have started to obsess about the number of hits the site receives on a daily basis. It’s ridiculous really. I get caught up with numbers, always have if I’m honest. I set myself a target and once I reach that I always have to try and go one better. If for any reason I get less than the day before I am thrown into a blind panic and start to question my entire existence.

This behaviour has to stop. I need to remember the reason I created the site in the first place.  For those playing along at home the correct answer is To get back into reading and to connect with others who love a good read.

In an effort to curb the madness and reclaim my sanity I am only going to post once this week, on Friday.

A game of cheesecake

This week I’m also attempting to take on my Moby Dick of reading, my great white literary whale, A Game of Thrones. I thought I should read before the TV show starts. I’ve mentioned in the past that I have never managed to read this book and I am more determined than ever to break the back of this beast. Unfortunately I am not off to a flying start, only 30 pages in *sadface*. Hell I should probably be reading it right now but instead I am waxing lyrical on the interweb.

green lantern

I saw the new footage of the Green Lantern on the internet yesterday. I was impressed and then I was panicked. Is it too good to be true? Have we been subjected to the best 4 minutes already and the movie as a whole will not the what I hoped it could be? Am I obsessing again about things that I have absolutely no control over whatsoever? I remain fearfully optimistic.

feel the Burn

I reached a milestone with the old situps at the beginning of the week. I have now sailed past 5000 and I am bang on track to achieve 20000 in 2011. Now that I have settled into a routine I am starting to panic that it is getting too easy and I wont reap any benefits. I’m worried that if there is less pain there will be less gain. I’ll be honest the KFC probably isn’t helping either.

Great Scott! I’m a gibbering wreck of a human being. Please feel free to return to your normal Sunday afternoon viewing while I go and rock slowly in the corner muttering expletives to myself.