Wild Target

I consider Bill Nighy to be a masterful actor. Yesterday I sat down to view his latest film, Wild Target. Nighy plays Victor, a professional hitman whose life is turned upside down with the arrival of his latest victim a con-woman called Rose, played by Emily Blunt.

Trained in the art of murder since his 7th birthday Victor is a ghost. So good at his job that his peers are in awe of him even though they have no idea who he actually is. Privately he lives a lonely existence in a roomy house where the vast majority of the furniture is unused and covered with plastic sheets. He is so non-descript you would walk past him in the street without a second glance.


Enter Rose, a flighty con-woman who has duped Ferguson (Rupert Everett) into purchasing a fake Rembrandt. Keen for revenge Ferguson hires Victor to take Rose out. Victor follows Rose and as he tries, in vain,to murder her he is slowly charmed by her free spirit. In the spur of the moment he saves Rose, and stoner Tony (Rupert Grint), from a second hitman and ends up becoming their protector.

The rest of the film deals with the unlikely trio and their escape from Ferguson and his cronies. Victor comes to realise he is missing out and is just existing rather than living.

Wild Target is one of those comedy films that doesn’t make you laugh out loud very often but does ensure you are always smiling. It sort of reminded me of Saving Grace in that respect. As an aside if you haven’t seen Saving Grace seek it out it’s brilliant. I left the cinema feeling amused and up beat.

Bill Nighy is great at showing the inner conflict of this character. He lets Victor’s emotions dance across his face. Emily Blunt is quirky and Rupert Grint likeable. Rupert Everett is as sleazy as ever while Gregor Fisher and Martin Freeman get some nice screen time.

Check it out. You never know you might like. It’s ok I won’t tell.

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Flash Ahh-Ahh – Another Old Skool movie blog

If Brian Blessed were a cake he would be fruit and nut. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t mean that in a nasty way. He’s is as mad as a bag of snakes and I love him for it. More on the King of Bellowing later, I just had to get that off my chest from the get-go.
Cheesecakes Alive???
There have been a number of attempts to bring Alex Raymond‘s creation to life. From the Buster Crabbe film serials, via Defenders of the Earth, right up to recent abysmal TV series (oh come on…it was shit and you know it). Hell there is even a 3D version in development right now. What I’m really interested in though is the 1980 film.

The Mike Hodges vision of Flash is deliciously camp. Rightly so in my opinion. Look at this example below of one of the original strips. Strewth he’s got no strides on! That’s right Flash is all about no pants action.
No Pants Gordon
With this as the source material there is really no surprise we ended up here. Actually it’s quite tame in comparison isn’t it.

The Cast

Everyone is great in this. Max Von Sydow is the worlds greatest pantomime villain as Ming the Merciless. Having Peter Wyngarde as Klytus is inspired as well. I understand why he had to wear a mask though. Can’t have Jason King stealing all the limelight now can we.

The Sex
(As an aside. When I grow up I want to look like this)

Topol, Melody Anderson, Timothy Dalton, Richard O’Brien, The dude from Blue Peter (yes I know it was Peter Duncan. It was a joke) they are all perfect. Damn shame Flash, Sam Jones, got dubbed but them as they say is the breaks. Even spotted a young Robbie Coltrane as a baggage handler near the beginning of the film. Though if you blink you will miss him.

Brian Blessed is brilliant as Vultan, King of the Hawkmen. His subtly nuanced shouting makes the film for me. He wanders around wearing a strange leather nappy/S&M outfit as though it is the most natural thing in the world. Why he is not playing Odin in Thor I will never know. He was robbed dammit.

The Music

It’s Queen people. Come on with this and Highlander they rocked the 80s movie soundtrack scene. Ok I’m not sure if there was actually a scene but lets just imagine there was. Just sit back and enjoy. Go to your happy place and let this nonsense just wash over you.

The film never did particularly well it the box office. Sam Jones even won a Golden Raspberry for his acting but personally I think this masterpiece needs your love. This is a pulp hero made flesh in the campiest manner available and it rocks.

All together now, FLASH….AHH…AHH…He’ll save everyone of us.

Flash Cheesecake

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Pablo Cheesecake v The Internet Connection of Much Crapness

I think it’s fair to say that everyone that reads this blog will be connecting to it via the technological wonder that is the Internet. I think it’s also fair to say that the speed at which you are able to access this content plays a large part in your enjoyment of said content. Recently my home interweb connection and specifically the ISP that provided it have been fucking me about in a grand old fashion.

Wait I’m getting ahead of myself here. Lets go back in time and I can explain from the beginning.

Since I have been using the internet at home, roughly since the mid 1990s, I have been using BT as my internet service provider. They have proven to be historically reliable and based on that I started to grow ever complacent with their diminishing service. Recently I checked the contract I had with them. It read something like this

Dear Complacent Ass we have promised you up to 20MB broadband speed. We are now sat in our ivory tower quaffing champers and laughing at you. You are only getting 1.5MB. Ignoring your existence love and hugs BT”  (I may have paraphrased slightly there).

Turns out you can only mess me about for a few years before I finally get the hint. Another well known ISP *cough* Virgin Media *cough* were able to offer me up 50MB for an additional fiver a month. The best part about it is, and this is the kicker, I’ve run a speed test a couple of times since changing supplier and I am getting at minimum 30MB. So even at worst the connection speed it is still nearly 30x faster than before.

**SPLUT** Sorry that was the sound of my head exploding like a ripe melon as I try to get my brain around that number.

If the story has an moral, and I’m not sure it has, its that BT can take a long jump of a short pier. I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. They relied on my customer loyalty and when it came the the punch provided to little to late. I called them today to cancel my account. First question I was asked
“Is there anything we can do to stop you cancelling your account?”
“Can you provide up to 50MB broadband speeds?”
“Then I guess there is nothing you can do”
*resigned sigh* at other end of phone.

Gosh I feel better I’ve go that rant of my chest.

Later Peoples

Pablo VirginMediacake

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Testing, Testing, 123…is this thing on?

I have been messing about with a MacBook for the last week and I thought it might be a good idea if I tried a blog to see how to experience compares against blogging on my PC. I’ve downloaded a trial version of the bit of software called Blogo and thought I would give that a whirl.

I have to say I am suitably impressed. The user interface is very clean and simple to use. There is no great difficulty figuring out all the formatting options. I should stress that I am still finding may way a bit when it comes to using the MacBook but I am sure this was exactly the same back in the day when I first started using PCs.

Hmmm not a long blog but I like to think at least a little bit educational.

I am curious to see what this looks like when it’s posted.

Pablo MacCheesecake

Calling all the Heroes…..

When it comes to film there is nothing better than sheer unadulterated escapism. I want, nay demand, the following: flying people, explosions, cunning stunts and superpowers. Over the last couple of years it seems that the big movie studios are starting to get my none too subtle hints. Comic book movies can be cool. Iron Man worked well. The Dark Knight was epic in scope. I am, and probably always will be, the eternal optimist so I’ve decided to take a look forward at what’s on the horizon when it comes to comic book adaptations.

The Green Lantern

I have high hopes for this. I like Ryan Reynolds and I reckon he can pull off Hal Jordan (oh that just doesn’t sound right now that I’ve typed it). If Ryan happens across this little blog I have but one thing to ask (ok two). Can you reign in the zany about 70% ?. While I’m making demands would like to see Kilowog in the mix as well. Ohh check out this most decent fan art I found on the interwebs.


Gosh it’s that chappie Reynolds again. This time as the merc with the mouth, Deadpool. Again Ryan if your reading this please feel free to go entirely the other way with this one. In fact the more batshit insane the better I think.

Captain America  – The First Avenger

I saw The Losers (another comic book inspired movie fact fans) at the weekend and I enjoyed all the performances. Chris Evans did his usual charming goofball shtick. I’ve seen the concept art and he certainly looks the part but again like Reynolds in Green Lantern dial down the sass (good word there from Mrs Cheesecake).


The Avengers

We have much love for Iron Man here at Casa de Cheesecake. Judging by the pics seen so far The Mighty Thor will indeed rock. The Hulk will most likely be back and if rumours are true we’ll see Hawkeye and possibly Ant Man/Giant Man. Throw the First Avenger into the mix and it’s all good. I’m sure Joss Whedon can do the business. I always enjoyed his TV shows, even the ones that were cancelled way to soon.

Actually that reminds me. I was once in Belgium and saw an issue of The Avengers in Flemish. De Vergelders (who knew Marvel published in Flemish. That’s pretty cool.)

Rumour- Monger

There are loads of other adaptations we are likely to see soon as well. More Batman, unlikely it will be The Dark Knight Returns but we can live in hope. More Spiderman, a shame they are going for a reboot I enjoyed Raimi’s take.

One final thought. If anyone out there wants a cracking comic that would make an excellent film you could do a lot worse than Alien Legion. Consider yourself told.

Direct from the Cheesecake Cave

Captain Cheesecake

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What makes a film for me…

The other day I got to thinking. I was wondering about what makes a film special for me. What are the different ingredients that make a movie resonate and ensure I will return for more. I should stress I’m going to jump around in genres here a bit. There is no one film that will contain all these things (at least I don’t think there is?) After some thought I came up with the following list.

a Futile Gesture

Nothing better than a character(s) in a movie laying down their lives for very little point. With a cry of either “You go on without me” or “I’ll hold them off” the plucky sidekick is instantly doomed and royally screwed. Examples: Almost the entire cast of Aliens, Miles Dyson (Terminator 2), Spoon (Dog Soldiers) Ok I admit boxing a werewolf is cool but be honest he was fucked.

Breaking the 4th Wall

Wikipedia defines this as  “The presence of the fourth wall is an established convention of fiction and drama, which has led some artists to draw direct attention to it for dramatic or comedic effect. When this boundary is “broken”, for example by an actor onstage speaking to the audience directly, or doing the same through the camera in a film or television program, it is called “breaking the fourth wall”

Mel Brooks is very good at this and he does it all the time, see the example below. Nothing funnier than a glimpse behind the curtain so to speak. Other good examples in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, National Lampoon’s Animal House and The Mask.

time travel / Time machines

Doesn’t matter if it’s Back to The Future, The Time Machine, Primer, Twelve Monkeys or The Time Traveller’s Wife. Messing about with the linear nature of the universe is just epic. I enjoy nothing better than the headfuck that is a good temporal paradox. I saw Hot Tub Time Machine the other day and it dealt with the macguffin that is time travel excellently. It was also great to see Chevy Chase on screen again as I love Fletch. I tried reading the article on Wikipedia about time travel but my head threatened to implode and then explode.


Highlander alone should be reason enough to have this on the list but there are many other splendid films that feature the merry swash and buckle of swords. Kill Bill would not have been half as special if it had been all gun rather than sword play.  Other prime examples include Zatoichi, The Sword and the Sorcerer and The Princess Bride.

The Lower Lip wobble

Something that always amuses me, when it really shouldn’t, is when an actor attempts subtle emotion on screen. Some lovely lower lip acting going on in this scene from Jerry Maguire. Fucking hilarious!

an epic finale

I have much love for Who Dares Wins, I’ve discussed it before at some length. One of the reasons is this ten minute sequence toward the end of the film. If your not that interested in watching the whole clip cut to around 9.05 and enjoy the macho hall jogging.

So there you have it. All you Directors out there please take note. All you need do is create a film that has even one of these elements and I’m there. Two or more and I will be your willing slave for life.


A Cinematic Cheesecake

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Judging a book by it’s cover

One of my greatest pleasures in life is getting lost in a good book. I read a lot and enjoy seeking out my next purchase almost as much as the reading itself. Last weekend I shuffled off into town and found myself in my local bookshop with a crisp tenner burning a hole in my pocket.

At this point I’ll pause briefly to explain one thing. I am a creature of habit and tend to stick with authors I know and trust. If I read a title from an author and enjoy it then they can be pretty much guaranteed my continued support for life, what can I say I am nothing if not loyal.

I do, however, occasionally like to dabble in the unknown territory of a NEW AUTHOR please note when I say new author they could have been around for donkey’s years it’s just that I’ve never read any of their work. I guess I mean a new author to me. (Just so you know.)

After much rummaging and lots of uumms and aahhs I ended up picking up The Age of Zeus by James Lovegrove. Why? Check out the cover below and the answer becomes clear.

Anthony Hopkins.....sorry Zeus

It’s got fucking Anthony Hopkins on it! With added lighting coming out his chuffing head. How cool is that? If that’s not enough we have some military types and a helicopter flying near a mountain. Also a review of the author on the back by someone called Saxon Bullock. Saxon Bullock FFS what an absolutely epic name. Cha-ching I’m sold. (On a side note I can’t believe I  just wrote cha-ching in a blog. I feel like I’ve just jumped the blogging shark)
I had never realised before how much sway an interesting cover has on my book buying, When I buy anything from an unproven author the cover has got to grab hold of my brain. Here’s another perfect example.

Hmmm a bit sinster I think

How could you not want to read this.  I just oozes mysteriousity. Loving the art deco retro 1920/30s feel and it’s just a little bit creepy. I am so buying this.

Now some of you may consider my new book buying policy a trifle devil may care and I suppose your right. It is entirely possible instead of ending up with an exciting new author to enjoy I purchase something incredibly shit just because I was taken in by the shiny promise of the cover. Well so far so good. I’ll live with the risk. It’s a chance I’m just gonna have to take. That’s the kind of extreme bibliophile I am!

Danger is my middle name....

Now ssssshhhhhh! I’m reading

Mr Cheesecake

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Undefined Randomness from the Cheesecake of Darkness

Spies and Vikings

Its been an age since I purchased any new books. My e-reader is pretty full and I am slowly working my way through the backlog. There are however a couple of upcoming titles  which I am very keen to get my hands on and will have to go old school a buy paper copies of both.

Mark Chadbourn‘s The Sword of Albion will hit the shelves soon and as I’ve got all his other books it seems likely I’ll buy this one as well. Spies in Elizabethan England – oh yes I think so.

I am also really looking forward to Wolfsangel by MD Lachlan. I’ve heard lots of good things and so will be rushing out to buy once it is released into the wild. Vikings! Yeah I’ll have me some of that. Hmmm when it comes to Vikings you do have to go some to top this though……

Viking  Kittens...Fucking Awesome

Consider the gauntlet well and truly laid down Mr Lachlan, good luck sir! Full Led Zepplin inspired goodness can be located here.


Even shite movies deserve some love. When I was a teenager I amassed a vast collection of B-Movies. I went though a phase where the longer or sillier the movie title the more interested I was in viewing it. How could you not love Class of Nuke’Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown?

Not long ago I realized a lot of the so called ‘mainstream’ stream films I’ve been watching were missing the sense of silly fun that comes with a good B-Movie. I decided it was time to get back in touch with my B-movie roots. I’ve purchased the following from Amazon and I await it’s arrival in the next couple of weeks.

That’s right peoples a 12 disc B-Movie boxed set. Hell Comes to Frogtown, The Stuff (come on who wouldn’t love a film about a rampaging yogurt?) Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, Night of the Living Dead. The list just keeps throwing out gems. Return of the Killer Tomatoes – you have to appreciate the joy of this. People need to know that one of George Clooney‘s first movie roles is about killer fruit.

‘But Pablo’ you cry ‘B-Movies are laughably bad’. You are essentially right but lets not forget the heartwarming story of Mr P Jackson. I’m sure some of you may have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy but would that exist, or indeed be as good, without the bugnuts insane delights of his earlier work? I demand you go now and seek out Bad Taste, Braindead and Meet the Feebles. Once you’ve viewed all three then we’ll talk.

Gadget Envy

Mrs Cheesecake got a new phone recently. She is not a great fan of touchscreen tech so instead got herself a Crackberry 8900. I have to admit that even though it’s not the smart phone I would buy for myself I do find it quite a neat little bit of techno-wizardry. I still have 12 months to go before I can get a new phone so I must gaze on enviously as she tweets and msgs effortlessly.

Till next time. Don’t you go changin.

Cheesecake Out

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Before I start I have to admit there may be certain amount of bias in this blog.I have much love for Neil Marshall’s films.

Dog Soldiers was a brilliant werewolf flick. Loads of lovely nice dark humour. My brother-in-law, who is in the army, confirmed that the banter and actions of the squaddies were very realistic and well observed. Obviously with the exception of the fighting werewolves bit.

The Descent managed to scare the crap out of me and pisses on The Cave (which came out around the same time). Never seen night vision used more effectively for a scare before or since.

Doomsday is like the bastard son of Mad Max and is a hell of a lot of fun. It was nice to see Glasgow and particularly George Square/Queen St Station get trashed.

Today I sat down and watched Centurion. The story of the legendary Ninth Roman legion and how they went to the north of Britain to take out the Picts. As far as historic records are concerned the Ninth just disappeared without a trace. No one knows what really happened to them. Marshall has used this gap in the history books as the basis for the film.

Lots of familiar faces here. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Liam Cunningham, Noel Clarke and David Morrisey. Lots of violence as well. Blood and guts all over the place. Picts vs Romans makes for multiple beheadings.

I loved it all. The action was first rate. The scenery was stunning and the pace was just right. One for the blu-ray collection when available I think.

I read the other day that Neil Marshall will be directing a new version of The Professionals. To wet your appetite here is my first foray into the world of You Tube. Enjoy!

Now that I have started fannying around with Windows Movie Maker fuck knows what will appear on Ya Toob next. Perhaps something special for the two year anniversary of the blog?


Pablus Cheesecakeius

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Tele-visual Shite, Haribo & Volcanoes

Random things that have caught my attention this week….

tv shite

Disappointed to discover that Auntie Beeb has pulled the plug on Survivors. It seems yet again that genre TV has had another kick in the teeth. The thing that annoys me most is that the second series ended on a fucking cliffhanger of all things.

Sci-Fi has become SyFy. God that makes me feel unclean just typing it. Some smart arse exec somewhere has decided that a perfectly acceptable channel name wasn’t sexy enough so a rebrand was in order. C’mon though SyFy. Sounds a bit wanky don’t you think. I’ve also noticed that they seem to be moving away from just sci-fi programming. In the US of States they have started showing wrestling. FFS I don’t have a problem with wrestling but on a science fiction channel?

On the plus side the new series of V started, after only 4 months of delay. Some of us did spot you were advertising it for January SyFy! No Marc Singer or Michael Ironside though.

The Eighties...they fuckin rocked!


I went to the cinema yesterday. I saw Cemetery Junction. Much as I wanted to not enjoy it (Gervais gets on my tits a bit) I couldn’t. It’s a good film and I would recommend you go see it. Perfectly captures the 70s. Breaking from tradition I purchased a bag of Haribo.While I was waiting for the film to start I read the ingredients. Have you ever read the ingredients on a packet of Haribo? Well have you? Some of the highlights include – beeswax, hibiscus and nettle. I kid you not. I still crave them mind you.

Haribo - The product of a deranged mind?


Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland erupted this week and has thrown air travel in Europe into utter chaos. Just goes to show that nature is ever unpredictable. I sort of like that. Should make us all more aware that we are but passengers on this little planet. That and volcanoes look really cool.

Ohh....Hot lava action

Till next time

Pyroclastic Cheesecake bids you farewell.

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