Before I start I have to admit there may be certain amount of bias in this blog.I have much love for Neil Marshall’s films.

Dog Soldiers was a brilliant werewolf flick. Loads of lovely nice dark humour. My brother-in-law, who is in the army, confirmed that the banter and actions of the squaddies were very realistic and well observed. Obviously with the exception of the fighting werewolves bit.

The Descent managed to scare the crap out of me and pisses on The Cave (which came out around the same time). Never seen night vision used more effectively for a scare before or since.

Doomsday is like the bastard son of Mad Max and is a hell of a lot of fun. It was nice to see Glasgow and particularly George Square/Queen St Station get trashed.

Today I sat down and watched Centurion. The story of the legendary Ninth Roman legion and how they went to the north of Britain to take out the Picts. As far as historic records are concerned the Ninth just disappeared without a trace. No one knows what really happened to them. Marshall has used this gap in the history books as the basis for the film.

Lots of familiar faces here. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Liam Cunningham, Noel Clarke and David Morrisey. Lots of violence as well. Blood and guts all over the place. Picts vs Romans makes for multiple beheadings.

I loved it all. The action was first rate. The scenery was stunning and the pace was just right. One for the blu-ray collection when available I think.

I read the other day that Neil Marshall will be directing a new version of The Professionals. To wet your appetite here is my first foray into the world of You Tube. Enjoy!

Now that I have started fannying around with Windows Movie Maker fuck knows what will appear on Ya Toob next. Perhaps something special for the two year anniversary of the blog?


Pablus Cheesecakeius

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Pablo Cheesecake Kicks Ass

My final movie blog of the Easter weekend is Kick Ass. Someone on the interweb said that the Daily Mail would shit kittens over this one and I can see why. The film contains da da da “Adult Content”. You heard correctly folks there is violence,swearing, self abuse and self tan. They even use the c-word. I spotted it, more than once in fact, I am shocked to report that the word comics is mentioned.

All joking aside I wasn’t sure what to expect from this. I have enjoyed all of Matthew Vaughn’s previous films but comic books are very close to my heart and I was a little worried. It is fair to say that I feel this way about every comic book adaption that makes it’s way to the big screen and will continue to do so. (I’m looking at you Green Lantern, Thor, Iron Man 2 etc).

My worries appear to have been groundless. The film worked pretty well and the changes to the story made the characters seem a bit more fun. Those who have read the comic know that the hero doesn’t get the girl. He does in the movie version. Oh shit spoiler alert! Damn sorry.  Oh come on your only going to see the film if you know the book anyway aren’t you?

The cast were all good. I think Mark Strong and Chloe Moretz were exceptional.

Yes the film is violent. Yes the subject matter is undeniably silly but fuck it it’s only a movie.

Now where’s my lycra leotard? (if you knew me you would realise just how horrific a mental picture this actually is)

Captain Cheesecake

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Clash of the Cheesecake

This Easter weekend we’ve managed 3 films. We saw How to Try your Dragon. See my 5 year old nephew’s review here. After he left we decided next on the list was the remake, re-envisioning, rebirth of Clash of the TItans.

What did I think. Well the film was pretty good. It all looked epic. Ancient Greece was all sandals and togas. Mt Olympus was armour and shininess.

I did have a couple of problems with the film though. Firstly the 3D was wholly unnecessary. I don’t actually recall any point where it enhanced my viewing pleasure. I believe the film wasn’t originally meant to be 3D and it was added as an afterthought. I just think it was a bit pointless. I am willing to accept that 3D is meant to be subtle but this was just done badly. Which is a shame.

My other issue – Sam Worthington’s hair. What the fuck is up with that. To a man every other male on screen had long hair and most of them had beards. Ancient Greece = Metallic audience. That’s all good but then along comes Sam with the feckin buzz cut. How in the blue hell did he manage that? Are there ancient magical hair trimmers that have been handed down to Perseus as a gift from the Gods? Part of me actually hopes that there is footage of him wearing a long haired wig that is so bad members of the film crew are rolling about on the floor pissing themselves. Now don’t get me wrong Mr Worthington rocks the buzz cut but Perseus does not. Check out Harry Hamlin to see how it should be done.
this is how you do it!The supporting cast were all good. I particularly enjoyed Mads Mikkelsen and Liam Cunningham.

In summary then the film was ok but Sam Worthington’s anachronistic hair detracted from my enjoyment.

In fact I’m so angry now…….Release the Cheesecake!

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How to Train Your Pablo Cheesecake

Yesterday Mrs Cheesecake and I had the pleasure of taking our 5 year old nephew, Nico (Unarmed and Dangerous), on his first trip to the cinema. We went to see How to Train Your Dragon in 3D. I told him that I would let him post a review on the internet of what he thought. See below for N(U&D)s insightful review. Not only that but his opinions of cinema in general.

His first reaction to the cinema was that he very much liked the giant television. When I asked him about the story of the film I got following response

“I did like the black dragon he was my favourite”. As I said insightful.

Turns out that 5 year-olds don’t really think much of the 3D experience either. He lasted about twenty minutes before the glasses came off.

I also don’t think he was that bothered that the vast majority of ancient Vikings sounded suspiciously Scottish. Though he did claim later on that when he blows up the world we will all have to move to Scotland? and learn to speak Scottish.


Toothless Cheesecake

PS I enjoyed the film but have no plans to blow up the world. The animation was great and I liked the characterisation of the Vikings and the dragons. Also I would quite like a beard like the head Viking had (To my knowledge the dragons had no facial hair)

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Pablo Cheesecake vs The Third Dimension

Lets set some parameters for this blog. For starters  – I love film. All of it. Even the shit ones that no one else particularly appreciates. (I’m looking at you Rabid Grannies, Rollerblade Warriors, Blood Sucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh etc). I’ve always kinda been of the belief that every movie deserves to be loved. Why not. People invest a lot of their time, energy and creativity in an effort to entertain the masses. Good on them I say. Long may it continue.

Recently however I have noted a worrying trend.  I’m concerned that this will effect my enjoyment of something I love dearly. What, I here you cry, could illicit such a reaction from the normally docile Mr Cheesecake? I’ll tell you, just two alphanumerics in a movie title…..3D.

Now before I continue lets get one thing straight. I don’t hate all 3D films. Avatar blew my tiny little mind. I expect Tron Legacy to do exactly the same.  The key thing about the use of 3D in both these examples as that it’s used by the directors to enhance the visual style of each film. The extra depth enhances the experience. I get that and I consider it perfectly valid.

The sort of thing I have a problem with is things like. U2 in 3D, The Jonas Brothers in fecking 3D. Why do cinema goers have to be subjected to such shite. If your interested in seeing U2 or indeed The Jonas Brothers go to a fucking concert.

I’m also worried that films are getting made in 3D just for the hell of it. I heard that the last couple of Harry Potters are in going to be in 3D. For the love of great goggly moggly WHY! The previous films didn’t require an sort of enhancement like that to hold an audiences attention so why do it now?

3D has prompted great debate at Cheesecake Towers. I am my usual unsure and slightly sceptical self while Mrs Cheesecake has embraced this new technology wholeheartedly. She does agree however that 3D is not necessary for all genres but does consider it inevitable as it’s all about the dollar dollar.

Who knows where we’ll be in a couple of years? The Chinese have a curse. “May you live in interesting times” I guess currently for movies it is just that….Interesting.

A slightly unsure Cheesecake

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Watched the movie…..got the T-Shirt

Among my many and varied hobbies, all three of them, I collect t-shirts. I’ll be honest the more obscure the cultural or movie reference the more likely I am to buy. Over the years I have started to amass a reasonable collection

Now those of you that frequent my little sinkhole of cyberspace already know that I also like the silver screen *Understatement Alert*. Most of my t-shirt wardrobe does point to this fact . Check out some of the fine cotton I have below.

My current LastExit collection

This first batch are all provided by the good peoples at Last Exit to Nowhere. They do fantastic work based on fictional companies that appear in film. As you can see I haven’t quite managed my first dozen yet but I am working on it slowly but surely. I will eventually own most of their catalogue I’m sure. Their t-shirts are all good quality, last well and are reasonably priced.

I don’t just do movie t-shirts though. I like to soothe the inner (and indeed outer) geek. Jinx do some splendid gaming and nerd wear for the discerning connoisseur. Behold!

The answer but whats the question
Only a t-shirt inspired by one of the greatest books of all time.

Another one of my obsessions is pirates. Don’t even ask cause I can’t tell you why.  Pirate Mod have a huge collection of shirts all of them sublime.

Yarr tis a pirate t-shirt
There are a few shirts out there that I am still keen to get my grubby little mitts on. This zombie related shirt is a work of pure genius. Nothing better than a bit of swearing to upset the neighbours.

Not going to tell you where that one is from. I wants to keep it all to myself.

To finish my little ramble about all things t-shirt related. I recently saw the trailer for Tron Legacy. I had a joygasm and this forced me to purchase this gem.

It's a fucking Tron t-shirt!

Till next time
Mr C

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Who Dares Wins – Another one of those retro thingees

Recently I wrote a little retrospective blog about Deep Rising. You can read it here. I have to say I enjoyed the experience. It was fun to revisit a film I hadn’t seen in a while and remind myself of why I liked it in the first place. So much so that I’ve decided to do it again.

Who Dares Wins (known as The Final Option in the US) is an early eighties classic. In fact I’ll go further than that. I’m willing to lay down the gauntlet on this one. I don’t think there has been a more testosterone heavy movie committed to celluloid. This film just oozes action.

Lewis Collins, fresh from the TV nirvana that was The Professionals, is the hard as nails SAS Captain Peter Skellen. Deep undercover, he has to infiltrate a group of terrorists who are hiding out as part of the peace movement. The action begins with a crossbow bolt to the face and escalates to a terrific finale involving the storming of the American embassy in London. Ironically though the film is nearly thirty years old the subject matter remains pretty topical.

The rest of the cast are a veritable who’s who. Edward Woodward, Judy Davis, John Duttine (Day of the Triffids rocks), Richard Widmark, Tony Doyle. Even Ingrid Pitt gets a look in.

The score is by Get Carter supremo Roy Budd. The main theme has some crazy wacka-wacka guitars and dramatic keyboards. Music is used to great effect toward the end of the film when the siege takes place. There is a scene where Skellen runs down a corridor with the rest of the SAS team that is just perfect.
Lewis Collins is impervious to bullets
I revisit this film regularly. Now I know it ain’t for everyone. Some of the attitudes are (how can I put it politely) a trifle dated? It’s ok though. We’ve all moved on. We’ve matured. We can view Who Dares Wins for exactly what it is a rock solid action flick.

One piece of advice though. Don’t watch the DVD while your ironing on a Sunday afternoon. Last time I did that I got all excited and had to go have a lie down.

Pablo Two Cheesecake Out

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Solomon Kane – a Cheesecake’s view

Recently I was in London and as part of the trip had the opportunity to meet James Purefoy. He’s terribly good looking, impossibly dashing and, according to Mrs Cheesecake and friends, should be renamed James Purejoy. You can read about my escapades here.

After my return from that there London I finally got the opportunity to go see his latest film – Solomon Kane. Based on the stories written by Robert E Howard the film is a tale of a man seeking redemption. Set in an a muddy 17th century England Kane is at the outset essentially a scumbag. He kills, maims and destroys whatever he can. He cares for nothing but himself.  Shockingly for such a nice chap a minion of Beelzebub turns up and explains that his soul is now damned and the Devil wants to collect. From this point on Kane tries to walk a peaceful path. He turns his back on his evil ways and tries to lead a good life. Needless to safe El Diablo is not such a push over and Kane is forced to face his demons (literally and metaphorically).

Purefoy being all smoldery

Somewhere on the net some person much wittier than I described Solomon Kane as a West Country Batman. I can see what they are getting at. The story fair smacks of Troubled Avenger. Not that this is a bad thing. Purefoy always manages to make Kane look pained when he has to resort to violence. Here is a man that wants nothing but peace but can’t escape his past.

As an aside the following thought did occur to me. How old is Max Von Sydow? He seems to have made a career out of playing old men (with the exception on Ming and the Brewmeister Smith from Strange Brew. Actually if you haven’t seen Strange Brew seek if out. Very odd and very funny).

Solomon Kane looks great. Its is meant to be all grungy and dark and it succeeds in spades. I think I would have liked to have seen a bit more of Jason Flemyng‘s character. He plays the main villain of the piece and i think he deserved a bit more screen time.

A more artistic rendering...

The end of the film is left wide open for a sequel and I think I would probably seek it out should one be made. Only if the following scene is used mind you. I apologise in advance to fans of Batman (1989)

[Solomon Kane dangles a thug over the side of a building]
Thug : Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me, man! Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me, man!
Solomon Kane: I’m not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Thug : What are you?
Solomon Kane : I’m Solomon Kane. All right my lover.

Till next time

Solomon Cheesecake

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Live (ok nearly 24hrs late) from the BAFTA Red Carpet


I’ve never been to a red carpet event before so wasn’t sure what to expect when  Mrs Cheesecake and I headed to the Theatre Royal for 8 am. Mrs Cheesecake had very diligently checked out the BAFTA website and was aware that we had to go an collect wristbands before we would be allowed entry to the event.

When we arrived there was already as sizable queue but everyone was in high spirits even though it was raining. We queued for around 45 minutes and eventually found ourselves at the front where we were given our wristbands by some nice security guards. They explained that we were not going to get access to the red carpet site until at least 1.30pm.

Suddenly we had hours to kill and the weather by this point was fucking terrible. After some looking around we found ourselves having breakfast in Tuttons. I cannot recommend this restaurant highly enough. I’m not sure if it was because they took pity on two drowned rats but their breakfast is sublime. The service was splendid and it turns out there is nothing better than a full English to the strains of Vivaldi for restoring one’s equilibrium.

The rest of the waiting time passed quickly as we wandered around Covent Garden and enjoyed a bit of cafe society. Mrs Cheesecake even spotted Richard E. Grant.

Back to the queue and eventually we managed to make it to the red carpet area. Again more waiting but it was good to watch all the comings and goings.

Enough of preliminaries lets get to the event itself. Between us Mrs Cheesecake and I got some ace shots and we saw a veritable cornucopia of stars.

Deep Breath…..here we go…we saw…..

Sharto Copley, Christoph Waltz, Matt Dillon, Noel Clarke, Oliva Williams, Jeremy Renner, Peter Capaldi, Vanessa Redgrave, Joely Richardson, Jason Issacs, Sam Taylor Wood, Aaron Johnson, Nicholas Hoult, Armando Iannucci, Tahir Rahim, Jane Goldman, Terry Gilliam, David Baddiel, Anil Kapoor, Claudia Winkleman, Colin Firth, Ann Marie Duff, Andy Serkis, David Morrisey, Nick Frost, Jonathan Ross, McKenzie Crook, Mark Kermode, James Corden, Kate Winslet, James Cameron, Prince William (yup royalty), Mickey Rourke, Robert Pattison, Quentin Tarintino, Clare Danes.

There were others as well but I honestly can’t remember them all. We got some top photos as well.

Here is one of Sharto Copley
and what does he write on an autograph?
If you can’t make it out it says YOU FOOKIN PRAWN! Class.

One conclusion I did come to is that Joely Richardson and Kate Winslet may not be human. I don’t mean that in a nasty way. Quite the reverse in fact. They are both absolutely flawless. Pictures do not do them just SERIOUSLY. Mrs Cheesecake felt the same way about Jonathan Rhys Myers. In other interesting news Clive Owen is really surprisingly short. Again don’t mean that in a nasty way just expected him to be taller.


Disappointment of the night. No Jeff Bridges or Michael Sheen. Well I don’t suppose we can have everything can we.

Ass Monkeys of the evening – All of the professional autograph hunters. They were all rude as fuck and kept making me angry. These are the cock javelins that get autographs just so they can sell then on for profit. Fucking ring pieces the lot of them. I think some of the stars were avoiding our area because of these assholes.

Oddly we ended up with one of the official umbrella like the one you can see in the Joely Richardson pic. Weird but true.

It was most definitely an experience.

No longer on the Red Carpet.
Pablo Cheesecake

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Pablo Cheesecake vs That There London


This weekend Mrs Cheesecake and I broke with our cinema-going tradition and took a trip to London. We went for a couple of reasons. Firstly we fancied a break from the grind of work. Secondly the BAFTAs were on and we wanted to go in partake in the red carpet experience.

Though BAFTAs were on the Sunday we decided that we should go down to London the day before. We managed to cram quite a lot in so I will split our weekend over two blogs one for the Saturday and  one for the Sunday.

By happy coincidence on the Saturday afternoon there was a signing at Forbidden Planet with this chap.
Purejoy...that what the wife calls him

After arriving in London and checking in to our hotel off we went. He was in the store to do a signing to promote his new film Solomon Kane. While we waited for the signing to begin I was interviewed for LSQ TV. I shit you not. Little old me was plucked from the crowd and asked some questions. Check it out…. I’m the twat with the red hair and the very high opinion of himself. It’s even in freakin HD….

So after making it onto You Tube in a vox pop (always an ambition of mine) we actually did get to meet the director Michael J Bassett and James Purefoy. Mrs Cheesecake was also extremely pleased that she got a piccie.
Give us Blue Steel James!

After the brief meeting I got to indulge my wanton lust for all the good stuff Forbidden Planet has to offer. Though I could have quite easily spent a large fortune in the store I ended up limiting myself to two new paperbacks. I could have quite easily been more but I was trying to be good.

Saturday turned out to be quite a good day. Sunday however promised more of the same. Next blog Covent Garden and the BAFTAs!

Back from that there London

An exhausted Cheesecake

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